Feedback

Feedback tells us, “Am I moving closer to or further away from the results I want?” It's an essential tool for developing any skill.

step1, tools, feedback, learning, problem-solving, troubleshooting

What and why

Through facial expression, tone of voice, words, and more: Consciously or not, we get and give feedback throughout life and dance. Often to ourselves, positive and negative. We keep a healthy, happier connection with our feedback partner and get a better result when we learn, practice, and improve how we give and get feedback.

Video and transcript

English transcript

- Hola friends, please join us as we explore feedback, it's something that we have been getting all of our lives and probably giving as well. And not just in words, our facial expressions, and our tone of voice, and our body language can be giving somebody feedback. In the dance, we've got lots of opportunities for feedback because that's how we we grow, and learn, and work well with a partner. We wanna do it respectfully, we wanna do it in a way that actually serves the purpose of learning and growing.

- And one of the ways that we can do that is by sticking to the facts, taking the emotion out of the feedback, reporting the observable, the quantifiable, the specific. Let's say you and your partner are practicing walking around, that's a tricky thing to get together, moving well together. And you notice that your knees are bumping all throughout the movement. Instead of saying, “Hey why are you doing this?” Or, “Why are our knees hitting?” Or, you know, something accusatory like that. We encourage you to say, “I'm noticing that as we are walking this direction, our knees, particularly our left knees, are bumping in up against each other.” And we encourage you to approach it not with judgment, but with curiosity, what might I do to help improve upon this situation? How might I modify my movements within my body to help solve this problem with my partner?

- Now, it is as important to be able to receive feedback skillfully, as it is to give it respectfully and helpfully. I wanna make sure that I understand what my partner is saying, did I experience the same thing? Do I recognize what they were saying? Do the words make sense to me the way that they're describing it? The bumping knees, “Well, what part of the dance was it, I didn't feel that?” Or, “Was it when we were going forward or backward?,” making sure that you're both on the same page.

- And a great third-party, neutral point of view is that video log of your practice. So, yet another reason why it's so beneficial to video your practice 'cause you guys can go back to the tape and go, “Oh, this is what you're talking about, I see it now.” It's a way to get on the same page. And we also want to encourage you to set and respect your boundaries as well as your dance partner's boundaries. Something that comes to mind is that new dancers love to process their thoughts through their arms and their hands. And sometimes, they squeeze so much 'cause they're thinking about all the different things that they need to do to try to do this successfully. And it can get manifested through a frame, and that can be very uncomfortable to the other side of the partnership. Especially if you have a smaller hand, you can feel like it's getting crushed. So, once again, we encourage you to speak up, don't just stand there and take it the whole time. But also, instead of going, “Oh, you're hurting me, stop doing that.” Perhaps, it's more like, “Hey, I feel like we need to recalibrate our connection through our hands.” “Can we take this back to a zero?” Work your way up all the way up to a 10 so you can feel that range of possibilities, and then, together calibrate something that feels nice for the both of you. But it is so important to speak up for your own boundaries and respect one another's boundaries.

- Right, and we can give nonverbal feedback that's helpful. Remember how we talked about that? That when we're being squeezed, we can shake the hand to indicate, “Hey.”

- “Hey, wake up.”

- Lighten up. And we can actually set an intention for each other. “When I do that thing, would you let me know? Just gimme a tap on the back.” Or, “Squeeze the hand when we wanna do this,” that helps, setting an intention. And we'd like to suggest that you sometimes regularly set an intention to have no feedback. Say, “We just wanna enjoy ourselves now, let's just dance to the music.” I mean, after all that's what we're working for, right? Is to enjoy the music.

- 100%. And don't forget, praise is great feedback to give as well. “Hey, I felt like we were really well connected there.” Or, “I liked how clear your windup and intention was in those particular movements.” Or even, “Wow, you were really musical during that time, I enjoyed that a lot.” Sometimes, giving praise as feedback can be just as powerful as constructive feedback. So we encourage you if you are working with a partner, be kind, and realize that the two of you are both working towards the same goal which is being creative, clear, concise [comfortable] dancers. And speaking of which, we'll see you on the next exploration where we'll work on some more of those elements, until then. Abrazos.

- Abrazos.

Transcripción en español

- 03. Camino Retroalimentación.

- Hola amigos, acompáñennos a explorar la retroalimentación, es algo que hemos estado recibiendo toda nuestra vida y probablemente también hemos dado. Y no solo con palabras, nuestras expresiones faciales, nuestro tono de voz y nuestro lenguaje corporal pueden estar dando retroalimentación a alguien. En el baile, hay muchas oportunidades de retroalimentación porque así es como crecemos, y aprendemos, y trabajamos bien con una pareja. Debemos hacerlo con respeto, debemos hacerlo de una manera que realmente sirva al propósito de aprender y crecer.

- Y una de las formas en que podemos hacerlo es ateniéndonos a los hechos, no poniéndole emoción a la retroalimentación, informando lo observable, lo cuantificable, lo específico. Digamos que tú y tu compañero están practicando el caminar, que es algo difícil de conseguir, moverse bien juntos. Y notas que tus rodillas están chocando durante todo el movimiento. En lugar de decir: “Oye, ¿por qué haces esto?” O, “¿Por qué se golpean las rodillas?” O, ya sabes, algo acusador como eso. Te animamos a decir, “Estoy notando que mientras caminamos en esta dirección, nuestras rodillas, particularmente la izquierda, están chocando entre sí”. Y te animamos a que te acerques a ello no con juicio, sino con curiosidad, ¿Qué puedo hacer para mejorar esta situación? ¿Cómo podría modificar mis movimientos dentro de mi cuerpo para ayudar a resolver este problema con mi pareja?

- Ahora bien, es tan importante ser capaz de recibir la retroalimentación con habilidad como lo es darla con respeto y ayuda. Debo asegurarme de que entiendo lo que mi pareja está diciendo, ¿he experimentado lo mismo? ¿Reconozco lo que está diciendo? ¿Las palabras tienen sentido para mí de la forma en que lo está describiendo? El choque de rodillas, “Bueno, ¿qué parte del baile fue, no sentí eso?” O, “¿Fue cuando íbamos hacia adelante o hacia atrás?” Asegúrate de que ambos están en la misma página.

- Y una tercera parte importante, el punto de vista neutral es el registro en video de tu práctica. Así que, otra razón por la que es muy beneficioso grabar tu práctica, es que pueden mirar la cinta y decir, “Oh, esto es de lo que estás hablando, ahora lo veo”. Es una manera de estar en la misma página. Y también queremos animarles a establecer y respetar sus límites así como los límites de su pareja de baile. Algo que me viene a la mente es que a los nuevos bailarines les encanta procesar sus pensamientos a través de sus brazos y sus manos. Y a veces, aprietan mucho porque están pensando en todas las cosas diferentes que tienen que hacer para tratar de hacer esto con éxito. Y puede manifestarse a través de un marco, y eso puede ser muy incómodo para la otra parte de la asociación. Especialmente si tienes una mano más pequeña, puedes sentir que te aplastan. Así que, una vez más, te animamos a hablar, no te quedes ahí parado aceptándolo todo. Pero también, en lugar de decir, “Oh, me estás haciendo daño, deja de hacer eso”. Tal vez, di más bien, “Oye, siento que necesitamos recalibrar nuestra conexión a través de nuestras manos”. “¿Podemos hacer esto desde cero?” Trabaja desde cero hasta 10 para que puedas sentir ese rango de posibilidades, y luego, juntos calibrar algo que se sienta bien para los dos. Pero es muy importante hablar de tus propios límites y respetar los límites del otro.

- Correcto, y podemos dar retroalimentación no verbal útil. ¿Recuerdas que hablamos de eso? Que cuando nos aprietan, podemos sacudir la mano para indicar: “Oye”.

- “Oye, despierta”.

- Baja la intensidad. Y podemos establecer una intención para el otro. “Cuando haga eso, ¿me puedes avisar? Simplemente dame un toque en la espalda”. O, “Aprieta la mano cuando queramos hacer esto,” eso ayuda, establecer una intención. Y nos gustaría sugerir que a veces establezcan la intención de no tener retroalimentación. Di: “Ahora solo vamos a disfrutar, vamos a bailar al ritmo de la música”. O sea, después de todo eso es lo que estamos trabajando, Disfrutar de la música.

- 100%. Y no lo olvides, los elogios también son una gran retroalimentación. “Oye, sentí que estábamos muy bien conectados allí”. O, “Me gustó lo clara que fue tu respuesta e intención en esos movimientos en particular”. O incluso: “Vaya, estuviste muy musical durante ese momento, Lo he disfrutado mucho”. A veces, elogiar como retroalimentación puede ser tan poderoso como la retroalimentación constructiva. Así que te animamos a que si estás trabajando con un compañero, seas amable y que te des cuenta de que los dos están trabajando hacia el mismo objetivo que es ser bailarines creativos, claros y concisos. Y hablando de eso, nos vemos en la próxima exploración donde trabajaremos otros elementos, hasta entonces. Abrazos.

- Abrazos.

How

Wow! This is a big topic and a most important one. From our upbringing as children, feedback can be such an emotionally fraught subject. Please, please study and consider all of this. Can we relate these points to experiences we've had in the past. Can we project to how we want to use them in the future?

Have we ever noticed how naturally and unabashedly a dog or cat lets us know where it likes to be scratched and what kind of pressure it likes?
Feedback with another human being is an imperfect system at best. But sometimes it is the best thing we can have. Feedback is a way for us to check things that we cannot easily or objectively see or feel for ourself.
Save it for designated practice time. Social dance time is for enjoying ourselves.
Think! Is this something that needs to be said? Is this something that needs to be said by me? Is this something that needs to be said now?
Check-in with our their-need-for-empathy detector.

We want to support a good relationship with this partner and we want the mutual benefits of useful feedback.

Before giving or asking for feedback:

Get buy-in.
Set clear intentions before any feedback event.
Discuss the level of feedback desired.
Remember that the feedback is not about who a person is or what they can or cannot do, nor is it about telling someone what we think they should do.
Feedback is a way to check things we cannot easily or objectively see or feel for ourself. [Repeated for emphasis.]

When we're giving and receiving feedback, remember that:

Not everyone will know how to give good feedback.
Some people will have an inappropriate emotional charge to giving or receiving feedback.
Some people will misinterpret what they are feeling.
Some people won't know how to express what they are feeling.

When we give feedback, think like a reporter who can only provide the facts for What, When, and Where. Not Who, Why, or How! (Save the Who, Why, and How for collaborative problem-solving between equal partners who find the approach helpful.)

Feedback methods

Mirror
good – Immediate, “Am I tilted?”
bad – Can only see when facing it. Left/Right of a partner or teacher in mirror image can confuse. Distracts from other monitoring and intentions. Can make us look vain, always looking at ourself.
Video
good – A record we can save. We can speed up, slow down, stop, or rewind. It keeps us in view even when we turn away.
bad – Time needed to set up, review, manage, cull. A small 2D presentation of a big 3D act can look flat and lack energy, but that can also be a good thing to drive more practice.
Partner
good – Get feedback on feeling, forces, clarity, and comfort.
bad – Emotional entanglement.
Teacher
good – Expert (we hope!) on reproducing what they feel and, more importantly, on what a good dancer wants to feel.
bad – Teachers are fallible, too. May focus on “corrections” rather than building on the positive.

Feedback criteria differ depending on the situation:

Professional partners training every day.
Amateurs getting ready for a performance.
Regular practice partners.
Someone we've just met at práctica.

Social dance time is for dancing, enjoying music, and socializing, not a time to practice a move we're not yet confident of nor to give any kind of feedback except to share the enjoyment.

Sometimes at a relaxed milonga or a práctilonga, someone, especially beginners, may ask us for specific feedback. We can say whether we feel comfortable giving verbal feedback or any feedback. The two of us can agree on a non-verbal signal, such as a hand squeeze when the concern in question occurs.

Even at specific practice times, we still want to take care in how we give and receive feedback. We want to support a good relationship with this partner, and we want the mutual benefits of helpful feedback. Here are guidelines to consider before we are in a feedback situation.

Get buy-in.

“Shall we give each other feedback this time?”
“Would you like feedback on what we just did?”
“Is there a specific kind of feedback you'd like?”
“Can you please give me feedback on …?”
“Would you rather not do feedback right now?” (Sometimes, we just want to dance and let the practice go.)

Set clear intentions before any feedback event.

“What kind of feedback is most useful to you now?”
“Let me know at any time when you don't want feedback, and I will do the same.”
“Do we want to do problem-solving together, or only give plain feedback?” (Note, problem-solving is a related but significantly different topic.)

Set level of feedback desired.

“How fine a resolution do you want? First time and every time, or only if a situation repeats or feels bad?”
“Shall I give feedback only about X, or about anything I feel?”
“Please give me non-verbal feedback with a hand squeeze whenever you feel X while we dance.”
Choose one (at most two) things to focus on at any time. We get cleaner, clearer results this way. When that works nicely, then we can move on to any new feedback item.

Feel this next thing deeply before giving feedback. The feedback is not about who a person is or about what they can or cannot do, nor is feedback about telling someone what we think they should do. Feedback is a way for us to check things we cannot quickly or objectively see or feel for ourself. [Repeated for emphasis!]

Be aware that not everyone will have considered and practiced giving good feedback. Some people will have an inappropriate emotional charge to giving or receiving feedback. Some people will misinterpret what they are feeling. Some people won't know how to express what they are feeling.

Think of feedback this way, like a reporter who can only give the facts for What, When, and Where. Not Who, Why, or How!

“I don't feel that I have enough space to safely step.”
“I feel like I might step on you.”
“I feel like I am in your way.”
“The space opens past where I can still feel connected.”
“I feel as if I am about to run over you.”
“I lose the feeling of connection in that arm at this point in the figure.”
“I feel pulled (or pushed) here.”
“I feel off-balance here.”
“When we do this, I feel fearful of my support.”
“I feel like we are aimed in different directions.”

Save the Who, Why, and How for collaborative problem-solving between equal partners who find the approach helpful.

“Here's what I like to feel.”
We all are so alike and so unique. Asking a person to give us their specific What, When, and Where for a move can bring clarity, not only when dancing with this person, but perhaps also for many partners. Take the “enough space” issue. A collaborative couple could say, “Let's stop when we get to this point, then you can show me what changes might make the space feel more comfortable while still keeping our connection”

We are more willing to accept feedback when it focuses on what we can do in the future, rather than on what we messed up in the past.

Check-in with our partner for two things.

“Can I (you) say more about X to give a better understanding?”
“Does that make sense for you?”

When it goes well, we give our partner thanks for giving and receiving feedback. When it goes poorly, remember that none of it is about our worth as a human being—even if they said it was!! Think about what went well and what was not so good. Think about how we or they could have done better. Think about what we could say or ask for in the future that might produce a better response or more helpful feedback.

Feedback is like a dance! We give an idea, observe the response, then play with that to get better and better responses for both of us.

At the milonga!

We do not give feedback at the milonga unless our partner is hurting, endangering, or mistreating us. If the situation isn't dire, we can often communicate the message nonverbally by squirming in an uncomfortable embrace or situation.
Every dancer has the right at any time to decide for themselves whether the current dance situation goes too far beyond our level of emotional or physical comfort. In such a case, we break the embrace and leave our partner with the words, “Thank you.”
The words “Thank you” signal the end of dancing with a partner for the current tanda. (As the previous point says, we even have the right to end a dance that is in progress.) If a tanda is working out satisfactorily (or at least bearably), then we save the “Thank you” for the last song of a tanda.

What else

How to give, receive, and request feedback by Myles Munroe and Tessa Cunningham Munroe, Canadian Swing Dance Champions. A super-usable guide with great tables and examples.

Thanks for the feedback: the science and art of receiving feedback well : (even when it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and frankly, you're not in the mood)
Living the lessons in this book make for an easier, more productive way through life.

the Game of Argentine Tango

Everything is a range of possibilities