Inspired by Jefferson Fisher
Argentine tango literature and workshops are full of poetic attempts to wrap our arms around the elusive concept of connection.
So I was surprised—and delighted—to find a clear, action-oriented definition in Jefferson Fisher’s book, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More (https://search.worldcat.org/title/1481475781):
Connection = Understanding + Acknowledgement
You may know Jefferson Fisher from his ultra-concise, ultra-effective communication videos filmed from the cab of his truck. His focus is personal communication, not dance, but his insights are surprisingly applicable to tango.
From Conflict to Collaboration
Jefferson’s point is simple: communication isn’t about winning. It’s about creating connection in a way that serves both people.
And in Argentine tango? That’s our aim, too. Not victory, but mutual experience. Not correction, but conversation.
This definition—understanding + acknowledgement—gives us a practical way to assess and grow our contribution to the tango connection.
Let’s Break It Down
Understanding means sensing our partner’s intention—recognizing the “what” and “why” behind their movement or presence.
Acknowledgement is how we show that we received the message. It could be a mirrored adjustment, a complementary response, or simply not resisting what was offered.
Consider the windup, used to signal directional intention:
🌀 The Game of Argentine Tango: Windup Reveals Intention
(or YouTube video without text)
- The leader gives a windup.
- The follower shows understanding by extending their free leg in the suggested direction.
- The leader senses the acknowledgment and proceeds.
That’s a full connection loop:
Leader proposes → Follower understands → Follower acknowledges → Leader understands that response → Leader acknowledges with the next intention.
This cycle continues throughout the dance, each partner continually updating their understanding and acknowledging what they feel.
When Things Go Off Script
Of course, disconnection happens. A lead is misunderstood. A response is off. But that’s not the end—it’s just a conversational glitch.
When one or both dancers recognize the moment of disconnection, they can reset, acknowledging the slip and adjusting accordingly. That repair is part of the connection, too.
Role Training = Connection Training
At Tango Tribe, one of the main reasons we teach everyone both roles is to deepen this kind of embodied understanding.
When we’ve followed, we know what it feels like to want clarity, space, or firmness. When we’ve led, we learn how sensitive a response can be—and how much small adjustments matter.
The more we understand what our partner wants to feel—whether it’s a firmer embrace or a feather-light signal—the better we can acknowledge it with our own dancing.
Musicality as Connection with the Music
Let’s consider a connection that may not obviously seem to fit our definition: Musicality.
We understand that the music has a beat structure. We acknowledge by stepping on the strong beats, or against them.
We understand that a melodic element has come to our attention, and we desire to express it. We acknowledge by moving in a lyrical fashion.
We understand that the music is structured in phrases, and we pause our steps to acknowledge the ending of a phrase.
Final Thought
Connection isn’t some magical way of being. It’s a cycle.
Understand → Acknowledge → Repeat.
That’s how we talk in tango.